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Comedy Adaptations

HeiseiHolmes 15 Oct 10 at 6:25 p.m. GMT

Having read some peoples' ideas for adaptations (ridiculous ones, of course~), I thought we could post them here. As an example, I've created "Lil' Miss Marple".

Britnee Marple is just an ordinary teenage girl- she loves clothes, shopping, and make-up. However, since her dad works in the police force, Britnee sees a lot of crime... Inspired by her father, Britnee starts a detective agency on a social networking site using her alias "xX-Lil_Miss_Marple-Xx". The cases she sees are greatly varied! Here's a segment from Episode 1, "The case of the Nun's Tea Cosy".

BRITNEE: "I know who the killer is!"

INSPECTOR MARPLE: "What?! You have to tell us!!"

BRITNEE: "I'll tell you... when you buy me an iPad, Daddy ♥"

Soon to air on ITV 1! Look forward to it!!

(P.S. - To any teenage girls reading, that's not how I see a typical teenage girl, so don't get mad.)

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MissQuin 16 Oct 10 at 8:33 a.m. GMT

Miss eyesbarrow suggested Muppet versions of Chrisite, see this post here:Makes for fun reading! Of course, you may be too young to remember The Muppets?

http://www.agathachristie.com/forum/have-your-say/television-and-film/muppets-on-the-orient-express/

 I suggested, because of the vampire craze for there to be MISS MARPLE- THE VAMPIRE SLAYER! Killing legions of the undead armed only with knitting needles.

Then there was (who could forget) Then There Were Nuns.

There could be a prequeal Before There Were Nuns.

Miss E  hialorously suggsted The Mystery Of The Blue Nun- a jewel thief and bad wine!

Of course Evil Under The Nun- bascially it's about a nun smuggling racket.

Oh and POIROT- THE MUSICAL!  We can all come up with songs for this. A all singing, all dancing murder mystery! It could take Broadway by storm!

Lone_Wolf 16 Oct 10 at 9:32 p.m. GMT

I'll be sarcastic rather then comedical.

Pоirоt, pre-2003-stlye:

The scene begins with Poirot and Hastings eating a dish prepared by Poirot himself. After they finish eating it, Poirot tells Hastings that it was made entirely from oysters, which causes Hastings to turn green in the face. Poirot, while accurately eating the square eggs, which miss Lemon purchased specially for him, admires the symmetry of the way Hastings' face turns green and says that he definitely understimated the order and method Hastings' organism was capable of. Then Japp comes in, and Poirot offers him some drink with a French name that includes many "oi"s. The mere mention of that drink causes Hastings to run away from the room, while hastily making some lame excuse. Japp tells Poirot about a murder or something like that, who cares anyway, and Poirot agrees to investigate, saying that his little grey cells need le exercise. The scene ends with Hastings lying sick on his bed, endlessly repeating "oysters... oysters....", while Miss Lemon sympathetically watches at him.

Then, Poirot goes about the murder scene, muttering something under his breath, but refusing anyone to tell what's going on. Meanwhile, Hastings is completely charmed by a nice lady who is somewhow connected with the case. She is a bit drunk and tells him that it was she who did it all, but Hastings is so much in love with her, he looks sheepishly into her eyes, and doesn't hear a thing she's saying.

Finally, Poirot reveals the true killer - it's the 90-year-old invalid woman, who can really move around perfectly well. She played the part of the young lady Hastings was so in love with, because she knew that her private confession to Hastings will ensure that everyone will think that the murderer is a young lady, not an old woman.

Lone_Wolf 16 Oct 10 at 9:33 p.m. GMT

Then we are cubjected to a chase scene, with Japp and police chasing the killer, while she tries to escape. All the usual elements, like slow cars, snail-paced processions of schoolgirls, and subway doors are present. Finally, the killer is caught.

Final scene. Poirot offers both Hastings and Japp to dine with him, offering "the little grey cells of the oysters" to eat. Audience laughs as both quickly run out of the room with horrified expression on their faces. The end.

"Traditional" Poirot fans praise the episode as being "funny" and "true Christie", prasing the performance of Hugh Fraser.

Pоirоt, post-2003: It is a dark and stormy night. A nun in a church, twisting a rosary, with a gloomy expression on her face, with lighting striking every moment, condemns a pair of homosexuals to Hell.That scene, touching on the issue of religious bigotry, is really deep and modern.The scene switches to Poirot receiving the news of the nun being murdered. Catholic Poirot is horrified. Meanwhile, Lady Szantajevllska, a Polish aristocraut, prepares a special misxture of wax and goat blood, designed to murder the vicar of the church. Also, we realize, that the vicar's mother is kept in a mental institution. The vicar feels really horribly about it, and cries, while walking around that mental institution at night, in a very touching and deeply pshychological scene. Unfortunately, the vicar is murdered shortly afterwards. On a night that is even more dark and stormy then the initial one, Poirot, very quickly, taking turns to SHOUT at every suspect, explains the solution - it was the vicar who had killed the nun, because he was furious she won't return his advances. (That theme is touching the relevant and actual Church corruption motive). But, haunted by his own guilt and his poor mother, the vicar had commited suicide soon aferwards.

Lone_Wolf 16 Oct 10 at 9:33 p.m. GMT

Lady Szantajevllska turns out to be the mother of one of the homosexuals. She wanted to kill the nun, with a scheme involving wax and goat blood, in order to take revenge for her son, but the vitrage of Madonna stopped her from doing the deed. (That theme emphasises the good elements in Christian faith, in order to give the work moral ambiguity). "Traditional" Christie fans hate the adaption. Half the time they talk about the adaptions, they point out that the two homosexuals, Lady Szantajevllska, the nun and the vicar were not present in the original book. Other half they devote to complaining about the absense of Hastings (though he, too, wasn't in the original book). "Postmodern" admirers of Christie love the adaption, admiring its wonderful derpth.

HeiseiHolmes 17 Oct 10 at 5:06 p.m. GMT

Oh, my face hurts from laughing at everyone's suggestions... I'm actually concerned that people from ITV are going to steal them. Ifthey appear on TV, we'll know who inspired them :))

Oh, gah- I just realised that I had intended to call it "Lil' Missy Marple", which is annoying.

MissQuin 19 Oct 10 at 2:19 p.m. GMT

Having an overactive imagination, I came up with another idea. Itv have decided thery don't have enough cookery programmes (!). They comissioned:

Miss Marple's Cookery Hour. They feature food with a very tenious connection to the books- Delicious Death (how did you get on with that BTW?). Seed cake (urg!) and most importanlty, a question that has left us reiveted- What to do with Gill Of Picked Shrimps?!

MissQuin 08 Dec 10 at 9:16 p.m. GMT

I forgot to mention STRICTLY COME SLEUTHING! All new reality dance show uses favourite sleuths. See Sherlock Holmes fox trotting into the final against Poirot doing a salsa number.

Or people audition for the esciting oppotunity to become the next Miss Marple. It'll be narrowed down to 12 contestants on the live shows! I'ts the M Factor!

Of course these are mental, but you did ask for ridiculous ideas. Surely I'm not the only one with an over active mind?

Miss_Eylesbarrow 10 Dec 10 at 11:26 a.m. GMT

I'm a detective, get me out of here! -featuring Poirot in a variety of compromising situations that he has to detect his way out of using only a pack of cards and the little grey cells.

I LOVE Strictly Come Sleuthing, Miss Quin, what a hoot!  Japp in a Charleston, perhaps?  Which professional dancers would you pair Poirot & Miss M with?

MissQuin 11 Dec 10 at 9:51 a.m. GMT

I'm a Detective Get Me Out of Here? I love it miss E! "Mon dieu I cannot eat these bugs. They are not symmetrical enough!"or "I am not any detective. I'm the world's greatest detective and I command you to get me out of here!"

I don't know any professional dancers I'm afraid for Marple and Poirot to parnter up with. Can you help me choose?

Hastings charlastaning would be great, as he hates any form of public diplay. Very out of chaarcter. He mustn't be paired with auburn haired beauty, or he'll get distracted!

Miss Marple can do a waltz with a smartly dressed yonug gentleman.  

Miss_Eylesbarrow 13 Dec 10 at 9:20 a.m. GMT

Poirot needs to be paired up with one of the Russian beauties to remind him of his pash for the Countess Vera Rossakoff!  Can't see him doing a salsa though, he'd be good at the tango I think.

I think we need to pair Miss M up with Ann Widde's partner - Anton DuBeck, or perhaps she could go for one of the younger ones as you say.  She does have a weak spot for a handsome young man....

MissQuin 13 Dec 10 at 1:55 p.m. GMT

I don't watch Strictly Come Dancing so thanks for yor imput. I wonder if Poirot would be a nifty dancer? I expect both him and Miss Marple would have had lessons or practise in their youth. He could dance with Vera actually. Miss Lemon wouldn't be a dancing partner option! I think he wouldn't be pleased if a judge criticised his dancing.

I think Miss Marple needs a break after solving all those crimes. Pair her with the sexiest male dancer imaginable and watch her twinkle.  But how many contestants would there be? Tommy and Tuppence should be partners in dance!

We could have Big Brother mixed with Then There Were None - where all of Chrisite's characters are put in a house together. See how they get on. I think it wolud end rather tragically though- first evicted gets the chop!  Bad idea actually.

Miss_Eylesbarrow 13 Dec 10 at 3:13 p.m. GMT

We;d need about 15 contestants to start with, si I reckon any character who appeas in novels/short stories more than once.  That would include some of the police detectives and characters like Bunndle.  Don't forget your own Mr Quin!

I like the 'Big Brother/And then there none' idea.  The one that gets voted out is murdered in en ever more ingenoius way - depending on the 'celebrities' involved, I don't think it's a bad idea at all

Thinking away from reality TV shows, how about M Poirot in a cookery slot - he's a great cook by all accounts (particularly his own) and Miss M could do a sort of Mrs Beeton's household management/grow your own drugs thing where she imparts wisdom such as putting spider's webs on cuts.

MissQuin 13 Dec 10 at 3:52 p.m. GMT

I'm too soft hearted to kill even the worst of Celebrities, even though there's some I really hate! But banning from TV/newspapers/magazines would be a more suitable punnishment for all evictees on Then there Were Cameras 24/7.

Bundle would know all the great dance moves on the 20's- pair her with Bill.

Mr Quin can't be on SCS as he doesn't count as his abilities are too unworldy. He'd dance better than any mere mortal. Mr Sattertwaite can have his won art show. ART With Mr S.

Mr Pye's Antiques Roadshow? Come along and bring your old junk and see if it's priceless. Mr Pye has an eye for a bargain and will advise you and give you all the latest gossip.

Miss Marple's Cookery Hour. See my above post for that. but Poirot can do a mean omelette! Lucy Eyesbarrow could have a guest slot on cookery. Spiders webs on cuts. Does that work? I daren't try it! I don't like spiders. (shudder)

Miss Marple's Words Of Wisdom.

Or how about Aunt Jane's Agony Advice Show-?? Miss Marple gives a sympathetic ear and impartial advice on all subjects! Remember old ladies know best! lol 

what a busy little mind I have. Enough for a AC channel in fact! I came up with these in a minute, so I could come up with more if I gave it proper thought.